Thursday, March 22, 2018

Rest In Peace, Mom.


My mom died today ... I'm trying to find the words, when even the feelings are foreign to me. Sigh. I've never felt hurt like this before. A lot of things don't feel fair at times in our lives, mostly it's our own preparation, decisions that could have gone another way or just a stroke of bad luck - it comes and goes. This, is something else. My mom was perfectly healthy a month ago. Yes, she had physical pain, but the same residual pain she'd had since the 90s when we were both struck by a truck on a street corner in Queens. I mean healthy in terms of her vital signs and body operating as it should. An infection was wrongly introduced to her body and she got very sick; she spent a month fighting it in the hospital and today we had to pull the plugs. She'd had several strokes at the hospital and it was at a point where her heart and her lungs were causing her more pain than we could bear to watch her experience. This whole ordeal has tested my faith to new limits, and has left me even more confused. We've been through too much for me to understand why God would allow her to suffer this way. I know that life must go on - death is a natural part of life - but the details I'm leaving out are what make this all so hard to swallow. I love you, Mom. Rest In Peace. I'll see you when I get there. I will not be doing a public GoFundMe, but hit me to help support.